


Of Portals and Spiders

by Quips_and_Thwips



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, M/M, Miles gets a lot of dads, Peter is a Little Shit, Peter is everyone's favorite hobo dad, Shamless use of google translate, Some Humor, Wade Wilson Being an Idiot, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug, at some point, secret identity shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 16:14:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17062910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quips_and_Thwips/pseuds/Quips_and_Thwips
Summary: After the events of Spider-Verse, Peter is back in his own dimension but his mind is anywhere but; thinking about how Miles is doing (like the unofficial dad he is) Wade Wilson is an idiot that needs a healthy relationship, Miles misses his spider mentor, everyone else is face palming in the background.Basically Spider-Dad tries to get back to Miles's dimension while Deadpool annoys him the whole way through.





	1. Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope anyone who checks this out enjoys themselves, I'm writing it mostly for myself and a friend, plus its my first work, but I've enjoyed writing this first chapter (though its probably not that good) hope anyone who reads this also enjoys themselves! :)

Peter sure had to say, being in his own universe was great. Even if he did miss that kid Miles, just a little. He didn't miss all his atoms screaming at him for existing in the wrong universe- not like he could go back even if he wanted to, which he didn’t. He didn’t care about Miles that much. He’d only spent like two days with him. He didn’t miss having an unofficial son he could be proud of. Not at all, and it wasn’t even like he had could be a dad to Miles- the kid had one! Though that dad couldn’t do spider activities and be proud of him for his accomplishments in crime fighting and lifesaving… not like that mattered, even if Peter was a little sore over it, it wasn’t a big deal.

Plus, things with MJ had gone great, he was no longer a disaster, he’d gotten over that in his little dimension trip, and he totally didn’t end up chickening out and bolting halfway through his and MJ's conversation. He wasn’t a coward, he was Spider-Man! And not a sad hobo (he really wished people would stop assuming he was homeless and trying to give him their pennies). Anyway, ever since his little dimensional trip he’d been thinking about it- hard not to with it being such an experience, it wasn’t because he wanted to think about it. It was just haunting him. Like an unwanted ghost, poltergeist?

Which was why he was currently on a roof top, slowly munching on a burger that tasted like hot garbage, staring blankly into space, thoughts swirling through his head like what if there was a world where uncle Ben never died? Or he somehow ended up evil Spider-Man? (Evil-Man? No that was stupid) or even how Miles was doing- _Oh dammit stupid brain, shut up_. He didn’t care about Miles or if he was okay after fighting Kingpin without Peter there to help him, he knew the kid would be fine, so he didn’t need to put a second thought into it. No-sir-e. Everything was fine (it was not fine).

Groaning he stuffed the burgers wrapping in one of his pockets because he was still decent enough not to litter, and his jacket had basically become a garbage bag (just like his burger).

“This is all so _stupid_.” He huffed, though he knew only himself and some lonely pigeons would hear, and none of said pigeons could judge him to harshly, why not just rant? He’d come to lower points then talking to dumb birds. 

“I mean… why do I even care about all this? None of it matters!” Silence. “Why am I so stuck up over that stupid dimensional trip!? I’ve been through weirder, why can’t I just forget and get on with my life? Miles said I could so why don- why does something that kid said even matter to me? _I didn’t care before!_ I didn’t even want kids!” A pigeon blinked.

Peter groaned “Its just- I keep wondering if I could travel to other dimensions, without my body trying to fritz into nothingness, or into a rotting corpse, both aren’t the preferred option. But- but I only keep wondering about it for scientific purposes of course! I love science, it’s natural to think about it a lot, right? I’m so right.” Some of the birds cooed and flapped their wings, it seemed judgy, Peter felt betrayed. 

“Hey! You said you wouldn’t do that!” God he was going crazy, wasn’t he? “Fine. You know what? I’ll stop thinking about the multiverse, because that’s a choice! It is! And I don’t care. At all. I’ll get back to being full time Spider-Man! Who was not at all thicker than usual, you know, it’s just people’s eyes don’t work right.” The pigeons flew away.

Peter let out a groaned once more and let himself sink to the roofs floor, because what point was he at if he was venting to birds? Though, he really would stop thinking about the multiverse, he had too.

The problem was, all those thoughts seemed to have other plans, and no regard for his strict verbal ban of them.

It was ignorable at first, just a brief second of thought before he moved on with his life, but the more he pushed the thoughts away, the worse it got.

However soon it was to the point he ended up so distracted trying to figure out the lyrics to one of the stupid songs Miles had been singing he failed to notice the truck(s) being hurled at him. His day came to a closing with three broken ribs, and so, he told himself once more that he had to stop thinking about all that multiple universe bullshit, and dumb kids, and because he didn’t care. 

Six more broken bones later, he was still telling himself the exact same thing. Finally- one day in which he was working out, doing push-ups, crunches, pull ups, sit ups and all that hard stuff. Not curled up on the floor eating pizza and looking at adoption sites (which were hypothetically coming up blank because he googled spider/sea horse children). He decided he had to find a way to travel dimensions, and not die, and not have it be as big and stupid as Kingpins machine. For scientific exploring purposes. And because look at him! He was a fit mess! he needed all those stupid thoughts to leave him alone and stop before he got hurt anymore. He knew he wouldn’t open any stupid black holes in Brooklyn, he just wanted to pop into one or two other dimensions and see what they were like. Maybe in one people wouldn’t treat him like he looked like a drug addict who crawled off the streets, not like that wasn’t the look most people in New York had.

The question was, how would he do that? He was poor and currently unemployed, unlike Iron Man he didn’t have an endless bank to spend on new gadgets and turn of the century technology, he’d have to do his own research and use scrap parts and grocery store available items. Joy.

With a soft whine he rolled over and started- no wait resumed, totally resumed- doing his push-ups and crunches, he figured he should try to work out extra before all that dimension traveling, he would hopefully succeed in and survive. Not like he wanted to impress anyone or make them proud of him. Nope. An image of Miles flashed through his mind and he ground his teeth.

Two hours later he was curled up on his mattress panting and knew full well he would be extremely sore come morning. Working out sucked, of course his working out was more intense than a normal human, but it was still things that should have been a breeze in the past.

“Kill me now,” He groaned into his pillow, because he knew this stupid decision would take up his life for who knows how long, and he didn’t want to deal with it, but he made a commitment, and he couldn’t let Miles’s belief in him down again, and with those unfiltered thoughts he feel asleep.

*********  
Today was a boring day for Wade, he didn’t have any mercenary jobs to attend to, so he decided to go to New York for the first time in forever, but after all the shit he went through in his day to day life the excitement of the city barely even phased him, so he spent a few weeks playing video games and watching Golden Girls, before even those got tiring, curse his growing short attention span!

 **[Go fight some crime, kill someone.]** White chimed in.

 _{No! We need more chimichangas!}_ Yellow complained.

Wade let out a tired grunt in response before getting up and pulling on his civics, kicking aside paper bags and wrappings for all his previous meals.

_{Chimichangas then? Yes!!}_

Rolling his eyes, he shook his head, “shopping.”

Both the boxes groaned.

**[No one enjoys shopping, so like… lets no.]**

_{I don’t wannnnnnnnaaaaaaaa!}_

“Deal with it the both of you, maybe I’ll find a spicy outfit for us! Plus, it needs to be done, let’s just get on with it.” Wade grumbled with just the right amount of fake cheer.

_{Just kill yourself! Then when you come back, you’ll have full health.}_

“That’s not how it works, I’m not like a video game or anything- not this time anyway, if I was, I would have gotten to shoot someone already.”

Both the box’s made soft upset noise of agreement as Wade pulled on his baseball cap and left the house, looking down at his feet as he walked, so hopefully no one would get the displeasure of seeing his face.

After a disappointingly uneventful walk to the supermarket, he got a basket, helped an old lady, chatted up a pretty girl, grabbed a lot of unneeded Japanese items, he was about to leave when he heard soft sniffling. _{maybe it’s a child in need! We could save them like a super hero!}_ **[we can never be a hero]**

“I agree with white, now hush.”

Curious and grudgingly worried he slowly edged his way around the aisle to peek his head around the corner, hoping not to come face to face with some creepy horror story child.

**[Your face would scare anything off though]**

_Shut up._

Luckily instead of some dripping wet little girl or whatever might be considered spooky now, there was a middle-aged man in a trench coat, his face was nice, though it looked like his nose had been broken many times, and he had a five o’clock shadow. Strong cheek bones and striking brown eyes, mismatched shoes, and the previously mentioned trench coat, which looked extremely beat up, plus a plain white t-shirt that showed he was surprisingly fit, and he was also in sweats. Nothing screamed sad lonely dead-end dude more. 

In the man’s hands was a packaged labeled _Uncle Ben's Ready Rice_ which seemed to be the cause of his extreme distress.

**[What the hell]**

_{He’s surprisingly cute for a homeless man}_

**[And looks around our age, because pedophilia isn’t cool.]**

“Shut up, both of you.” Wade hissed under his breath, but it seemed just enough for the man to hear because his head whipped around to look at Wade, a panicked look then an embarrassed flush started taking over his face, before morphing into a look of extreme dismay, which was far cuter to Wade then it should have been.

“Hey uh… you okay?” Wade asked after an awkward pause, the probably homeless man nodded slowly and wiped at his eyes, sniffing softly.

“Y-“ his breath caught for a second as he took in a few gulping hiccupy breaths, “yes, sorry- just stupid- stupid rice.” Wades lips made a silent ‘oh’ and the man looked even more humiliated “sorry, bye.” Homeless cutie turned away, and for some reason felt a small amount of panic spike in Wade.

“No wait!” He said before his brain caught up with his mouth, what was he doing!? The boxes echoed that same question, just more rudely and aggressively. They had no manners, such a bad influence.

The guy slowly turned around, eyes darting everywhere but Wades obscured face, fidgeting with his hands.

“I uh… need any pennies?”

Things went to shit from there.


	2. Blank Spaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's a mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't expecting all the kudos's (kudi??) and lovely comments that I got as I didn't think anyone would read it, but they powered me through writing this chapter, I'm not super happy with it :/ but hope y'all enjoy

Peter was tired with a capitol T. He had been trying for figure out all this dimensional mumbo-jumbo, and frankly it wasn’t making much sense. 

He knew he just needed to think it over some more and gather as much intel as he could. Though with his busy schedule of working out and crying, he’d spent little time on the other essentials of his plan. 

On the brighter side of life, he was almost made of pure muscle once more- not like he had been slacking. He never did that, he was just _a little_ more fit then usual now.

So, stretching Peter cracked his knuckles from his spot on the couch. 

“Okayyyy, I still need to get some work done, obviously.” He had found he’d taken up talking to himself, he no longer had MJ to bounce ideas off of, or anyone to talk to really. Though talking to himself did make him feel rather insane, almost like Deadpool, but of course he’d never be quite that batshit. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. 

_What to do, what to do?_ “Welllll….” He dragged out the L, pressing his tongue to his teeth until it hurt too much. “I should start getting information on multiverse theory, probably by breaking and entering… which is very legal, of course.” He muttered, absentmindedly fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. He knew he’d have to steal what he could, because he honestly didn’t feel like (or have the budget) to do much else, so the question was where to steal the information from? Bad guys only, of course, they didn’t deserve possible dimension tearing technologies. Of course, neither did he, but he still deserved it more then they did, better the lesser of two evils. Right? 

Sighing he flopped back down from proper posture to melting potato posture on the couch, pondering what of the many evil facilities should he wreck. 

“Hmm… what about Oscorp? They suck.” Not like he was, as the kids say, _‘salty’_ of course. Not one bit, even if it was one of the biggest thorns and his side, and kinda why Harry was now an evil piece of shit. Damn, even thinking about his ex-best friend hurt, despite the fact that all of his happy memories of them together were foggy and distant, they still mattered. God he was getting old.

Plus, they treated their workers like crap, even his job was better, and he would barely even call it a job, as he was currently self-employed as one of those people who does tricks on sidewalk streets. It was pretty easy since he was Spider-Man, and surprisingly lucrative, but not half the amount he’d be making with a normal steady job that couldn’t be dictated by when he wanted to roll out of bed. Damn his past heartbroken self over MJ, not show up to work for a month, of course he was fired.

Anyway, back to attacking Oscorp. He grabbed out a notebook and marker, starting to sketch out the layout (he remembered it well from all his previous sneaking he’d done) as he muttered a steady stream of words to himself. 

“Well I’ll certainly, have to sneak in, for sure. Unfortunately, I can’t just get in by adding a bowtie to my outfit, but if I follow the vents by the second door… I should be able to scout out where they hopefully have multiverse information and tests… they’re researching that right? Right. Probably in one of the newer labs… problem will be not getting caught, let’s hope Harry isn’t prowling around… um… I'll need to survey from the vents or ceiling depending…” He leaned back and clicked his pen a few times, wondering when, or if always thought out loud like some anime character. He also wondered if that spider girl- Peni, had long expositions, she did look very anime-y after all. Even though he’d mostly just watched it in high school with a few friends, he still remembered the styles and tropes. _Weeb_ , something in the back of his mind whispered, but he ignored it.

“Anyway, I’ll have to get out as quick as humanly possible, or spidermanly possible. Whichever comes first…”

He pushed himself off from the couch, _where did I put the suit?_ He wondered, grumbling as he dug around in his tiny closet, tripping over pizza boxes and random items.  
“Where is it!?” He hissed again, this time under his breath. He’d gone through his all his clothing like three times and he still couldn’t find the suit. He knew it wouldn’t be in any of his many packed boxes, but just to be safe he checked every nook, cranny, and unpacked box. Nothing. _How could he lose his suit? It was his most important item!_

Increasingly desperate he doubled back to check the bathroom (again), maybe for some reason he had left it in the shower? Not in the shower. But there were still many hidden bathroom spots, which is how he ended up on the floor trying to see if there were any loose tiles or if it was under the little rug. Nada, starting to give up any hope he stood back up. Standing to see himself in the mirror. 

“Oh,” _he was wearing it_ , his world went numb and grey, like when you get a grave injury and have yet to feel the pain, before it all smacks you like the truck that broke three of your ribs. 

“Why am I so dumb?” He practically wailed, everything suddenly speeding up, the truck had hit, his figurative ribs were broken once more. His embarrassment and feeling of failure hitting him like a second truck, too many trucks, too little time. His already feeble mental stability going 'fuck you, bye' leaving him a humiliated mess, _what had his life come to?_  
Whimpering like a wounded animal he slowly sunk back to the floor and curled up there, wishing he could melt into the floor and die. 

“Of course you’re wearing it dumbass, this is why MJ left you.” he muttered to himself. He wasn’t cut out for this, being Spider-Man, he was a mess, both literally and physically. 

An image of Miles flashed behind his eyes, and he was reminded once more that the stupid kid believed in him for some unknown reason. He’d already failed at not screwing up, but he couldn’t let the kid down again, even though he wasn’t even here.

Squeezing his eyes shut he repeated that to himself, before slowly standing back up, brushing himself off and stumbling back into the living room/bed room that took up most of his tiny apartment.

“Well at least… outfit is a check, next… backpack, if I need to steal any documents… um…” His vision was blurry, and he considered shaving, incase his mask was ripped off like the last time he broke into a facility, but ultimately decided it was stupid. He looked just _fine_. People were just too judgey. Like those pigeons. Pigeons of sadness and betrayal. _God he really was going insane, wasn’t he?_

Moving with increasing speed he grabbed his backpack, stuffed it with a spare set of clothes. A sense of urgency now fueling him, filling him. Memories of his time helping Miles swirling through his head. He left. _He had to see that idiot kid again._

***********

Three hours later Peter found himself with civilian clothes over his Spider-Man outfit, stumbling into a grocery store. The sounds of bullets and lasers, _fucking lasers_ , still ringing in his ears, some of his hair and outfit burnt and bloodied. His backpack left webbed in a nearby alley, to high up for anyone but him to retrieve. 

Only vaguely aware of his surroundings he wandered through the aisles, thinking distantly that he should get some candy in celebration of his survival. That’s when he noticed a bag out of the corner of his eye. It was labeled _Uncle Ben’s Ready Rice_. Something inside of him broke. What a dick move by the store, and universe. Though to his horror before he even knew it, he was cradling the bag and crying.

Damn I hope no one was seeing this.

Right at that moment he heard a deep voice hiss. “shut up, both of you.” 

Whirling around, he found to his absolute horror, a very fit and probably hot, (just judging by body type) looking guy. He was dressed in jeans, a hoodie, and baseball cap reading _Cute but Psycho_ which obscured his face. Yet Peter didn’t see anyone else with him, maybe he had been talking on like a Bluetooth? Because invisible people didn’t seem very likely, though not impossible. Either way his world was a blur of humiliation and embarrassment, and after stammering out some words he turned to leave, barely able to see the tiles in front of him.

“No wait!” The man called, making Peter go ridged before slowly turning around to face the other.

“I uh… need any pennies?”

The last string of his self-dignity and sanity snapped.

A sob quickly rose up his throat, and his world became tinged with red.

“Why do people keep asking that!? I’m not fucking homeless!” Oof, he shouldn’t swear, what a bad influence. Wait where did that thought come from? Didn’t matter, it wasn’t time for that, it was time to _cry_.

*********

Wade had expected many things. Wade did not expect more tears. Wade was not prepared for tears. Wade did not know how to deal with more tears.

**[Great job jackass]**

_{Yeah way to go}_

“Not like any of you helped assholes,” he muttered under his breath before gingerly approaching the man, gloved hand reaching out. 

“Hey, I- I didn’t mean it like- sorry, I just didn’t know what to say-” God he was rambling wasn’t he? Or at least going to start. “You don’t look that homeless I'm sorry- a real sexy sad man maybe? Er...”

Wade meant to put his hand on the others shoulder, but before his hand could make contact with the man, the other jerked, head snapping up and eyes widening as if Wade intended to hurt him. Jesus, what had this guy gone through? Not like Wade was any better, in fact he was probably 100x worse.

The not-homeless-guy grabbed the mercenary’s hand and flipped him right over into a shelf with much more strength then Wade suspected him to ever have. Also? Being flipped over? Hot.

_{Ooh yes daddy do it again!}_

**[Shut up, we don’t even have a daddy kink. Daddies suck ass.]**

_{God, who stuck the fork up your nonexistent ass? Let me have my fun.}_

_I agree with White, now please stop talking._

Wades world was spinning but he could see the mans horrified expression over what he’d done, and the merc only had one thing to say. A-fucking-dorable.

_{That’s more like two words…}_

**[Or three?]**

“Shuuuush” he slurred out, still dazed.

_{You better treasure this moment of someone caring about you because no one’s ever gonna do it again.}_

He groaned, of course the boxes would have to ruin any brief enjoyment he was having.  
The not-homeless cutie seemed to take it out of context (of course) and gasped.

“Oh god I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to do that!” Cutie McCaring gasped out, offering Wade a hand that he took once he had managed to recover enough to see straight.

**[You never saw straight, and our standards must have lowered considerably if that’s cute.]**

“Hush,” Wade muttered to himself before looking up at the other, “Oh don’t worry, its fine. I’ve taken _way_ worse hits.”

The other looked even more distressed at that and shook his head. 

“No it’s not! I-” He froze, blinking a few times before taking a step back, “hey can we keep talking outside? Think store security is coming.”

And indeed it was, because before Wade could even process not-homeless-guys sentence he found himself and not-homeless-guy kicked out, on their butts, outside. Not-homeless-guy- you know what? He really needed to learn this dudes name because mentally saying not-homeless-guy was a pain, so scratch flirting and seeing if the brown eyed other would like to see him in a dress (though he knew the answer was no) finding out not-homeless-guy’s name was his first priority. 

“So… what’s your name?”

 _{God you sound like an awkward prepubescent teen trying to pick up a girlfriend}_ Yellow chimed in unhelpfully.

_Shut up._

Lucky for Wade, the other seemed to be just as awkward.

“It’s uh- It’s- It’s Peter, you?” He stuttered out, tugging at his shirt nervously. _God not-homel- Peter really was ripped now that he got to look him over._

“Wade.” He said before he would forget in the maelstrom of gay thoughts.

“Cool uh… sorry for flipping you over?” Peter said in the most adorable little sheepish voice.

“It’s chill, kinda hot.” Wade smirked at the others flustered expression.

“Can I- can I get you some apology Mexican?” Peter’s voice was nervous and distracted, and Wade felt his day couldn’t get any better.

“Oh, I would love that.” 

Peter smiled, small and oddly shy, like he hadn’t in a while, and Wade discovered that indeed his day _could_ get better.

**********

_The wind was cold and harsh, and smelled of the foul earth that stunk like blood, and where blood rained, he followed._

_In his hand was clutched the strange thing called ‘rubix cube’ it had been a gift his brothers and sisters in the webbing that made their worlds yet kept them so far apart. Leaves drizzled down from the sky like tears down the earth’s cheeks. The dim fires of hope and passion fizzled and popped, a lonely cat wondered past him, lost to the winds of fate just as he was. He heard a distant chime, and he knew it was a calling._

_They were calling, she was calling. The world was grey and black. His actions were grey and black. His mind was playing tricks on him. No one was calling, no one wanted a spider in their home. A spider had no home, he lived with the wind, and where he went the wind followed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The friend I'm basically writing this for really likes Spider-Man Noir so I tried to write something from his perspective, hope it wasn't too bad.  
> Also, if any of you have questions I impulsively made a Tumblr blog for is anyone has questions so you can find me at quips-and-twwips :)


	3. Making Their Way Downtown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and happy holidays! Hope y'all like this chapter, it was shorter then I would have liked and I wrote it all in one day... but anyway thank you so much for the positive response I've gotten to this fic!!

Was this Peters life now? Walking to a taco bus with a stranger who he’d flipped over? And who was also liable to leave him dead in a dumpster. Of course for Peter that was basically a regular Tuesday, but it still failed to be the preferable option. God what had he been thinking? Stranger danger and all that, hadn’t crime fighting taught him anything? Though it wasn’t like he could get out of it now.

“So,” Wade started, and Peter belatedly realized he had yet to even see the others face. Fuck. Should he ask him to take off the hood? But they’d been walking for like fifteen minutes! It would be way to awkward to ask him to do that _now_. Which in turn made Peter realize he forgot his _fucking backpack_ in the alley! Oh, he was so double fucked. Enough so he could barely make out Wade’s words over his internal screaming.

“What do you do for a living?” Wade continued, oblivious to the panic boiling under Peters skin. He was triple fucked. He didn’t want Wade knowing he did street tricks with his spider powers! That would make him sound even more homeless.

“I uh- I- I’m… Searching… on the market and all that, but I own a house so I’m not homeless! Okay? Okay.” Peter forced out, cringing at how clumsily his words came out, tumbling out from his mouth all but gracefully. He would have tried to correct his sentence if only his vision hadn’t starting to swim in a physical manifestation of his internal state.

Wade laughed which made it all worse. _how could someone have a laugh like that? Deep but high at the same time? How was that even legal?_ Thoughts spun through Peters head at lightning speed— _like Miles’s lightning_ —leaving him dizzy and confused, barely able to keep walking, but he didn’t dare let himself feint. 

“Um… what’s yours?” If Peter wasn’t so distracted with himself, he would have noticed how Wade froze like a deer in the headlights at the question.

“I’m in a similar position too you, people call me when they want my services.”

“What are you? A dominatrix?” Once more, Peters realized he was talking before his brain could catch up. The same thing had happened many other embarrassing times he was now trying to repress. Damn you hindsight

However what Peter did not expect was for Wade to start _howling_ with laugher, until he was bent over, clutching his stomach. Peter found soon he was too was lightly chuckling, despite his limbs being frozen in panic _if he really was going to end up dead in a dumpster it would be now_.

“Oh my god,” Wade finally choked out, still wheezing softly as he finally managed to right himself.  
“Trust me sweetheart, as much fun as it would be, no one would want me to be their dominatrix.” _Sweetheart?_ was all Peter could think.

“You uh sure? Maybe that’s why I have yet to see your face- one look and you’re a love-struck goner,” If there was one thing Peter was good at it was adrenaline induced banter. He just hoped this could carry him through however long it took to walk and eat food with this dude, he just prayed his webbing on that damned backpack would hold up until he could go back and get it.

Wade snorted and shook his head, though Peter noticed an immediate shift in his mood, Wade seeming to become more somber and quieter. Peter must have accidently hit a nerve, fuck. 

“I wish. My face looks like a monster movie.” Wade finally said, head turning away from Peter.

“I’m sure I have nothing to worry about- I’ve seen some weird shit, plus it can’t be anything worse than my face.” Nothing like self-hate to fuel your jokes.

Wade let out a high-pitched gasp, to Peters relief sounding more playful, but also deeply offended. “Are you kidding me baby boy? You have the face of an angel! Angel with a broken nose that is…”

Peter rolled his eyes, “one, no way. Two, unless you’re like seventy under there I’m not a ‘baby boy’.” 

_Unlike Miles, damn I miss that kid._

“Pshhh yes I am, I mean like how old even are you? Seventeen?”

Peter huffed in a mix of aggravation and confusion. “What? No! That would be gross, and I defiantly don’t look seventeen, do you need glasses?”

Wade shook his head, smile clear in his voice though Peter couldn’t see it. “Yeah I know, just messing with you, you can’t be under eighty-seven after all, a very old man.”

Peter punched him in the arm, lightly of course, no normal human could take his full force ones, he didn’t want to break the poor man. “I should have just left you, I never intended to take a bully out for apology dinner.”

Wade let out a loud pitiful whine. “No! I _need_ my Mexican fix! You can’t take it from me!”

“Not like I haven’t already gone too far to take it back. We’re here after all.” Peter said, surprised himself at noticing how quickly they had gotten to the bus. Really, he was amazed they’d managed to keep up a whole conversation to the taco bus. Though it wasn’t too much of a walk considering that there was one every two to three blocks, but he wasn’t dead yet! So that was a plus.

Going up to the front of the stand he let Wade order his food (chimichangas) and got a burrito for himself. Wondering distantly how the rest of the day would go and if he wanted to forsake manners in order to get the damned bag.  
****************

Wade couldn’t believe his luck. This dude had yet to see his face, was surprisingly funny, _and_ was buying him food. Though he felt kinda bad about it because he had the feeling the slightly younger didn’t have much money, while he was rolling in it.

 _{Oh my god get a look at that ass}_ Yellow commented as a gust of wind blew past them, making Peters trench coat rise up to give Wade the _perfect_ view. He wondered what sadist ran this world for putting him in a situation where he _couldn’t_ squeeze it.

**[Pervert]**

_Not like you’re any better._

_{We have to steal that ugly trench coat and burn it so we always get the full view}_

**[Please stop]**

The person taking Peters order made the not-homeless man laugh and Wades pan heart skipped a beat. The laugh was broken and old yet so warm, like music to the mercs ears. Though it probably shouldn’t have been.

_{Gay!}_

“Of fucking course I am,” Wade muttered under his breath, luckily no one seemed to take any notice.

Peter turned to look at Wade with those big hot chocolate eyes, they seemed like they’d lost most of their innocence and joy, yet there was some indescribable spark in them that took Wades breath away. _Oh flip me into another shelf._

**[Stop being so kinky, he won’t even want to touch you with a three foot pole once he sees your face]**

“So where do you want to sit? There’s a bench across the street.” 

“Oh yeah, sure, let’s go sit there. Totally.” Damned boxes kept talking, distracting Wade from Peter and probably making him look like a total jackass.

Luckily the other didn’t seem to be bothered as they headed over too said park bench, sitting down. Wade nearly moaned with joy as he took a bite into his chimichanga, damn this dude knew where to get his food from. 

“Ooooh god Petey-Pie I owe you my life, I have now fully lived.”

Peter chuckled before making a small inquisitive noise that shouldn’t have sent a shiver down Wades spine—but did. “I doubt some Mexican could have changed your entire life, also, Petey-Pie? Really?”

Wade shrugged. “Why not? I like making fun names! Petety-Pie is fun.” He glanced back down at his chimichanga, assessing how big of a bite he wanted to take.

_{Take the whole thing, deepthroat style!}_

_Shut up._

When Wade looked back up and all of Peters food was gone, holy damn, how did he do that?

“Well apology food has been bought, I really got to go now.” Peter said, standing up.

“What?” Wade whined, “so soon? We _just_ got here, can’t I talk to ya a little longer?”

Peter shook his head. “Sorry, I got some things I need to do, maybe I’ll see you around?”

Before wade could respond he was gone, trench coat billowing in the wind.

_{Hate to see him leave but love to watch him go…}_

**[You sure are a perverted fuck.]**

“Though we already covered that, and it’s not like you’re any better.” Wade grumbled, standing up.

Being in New York had been boring, Wade’s life was so crazy that even the city couldn’t amuse him, he had been ready to leave. Peter however made life interesting, Peter spiced things up. He’d be damned if he let the man just leave and leave him bored once again. 

*******************

The backpack was still there. Peter sagged with relief. Thank god, he didn’t know what he’d do if it hadn’t been. Probably break down on the floor crying? Whatever the case, it was here and he was happy.

Quickly climbing up the wall he grabbed it, yanking it from the hold of his remaining webs before heading back to his cramped apartment, groaning and flopping down on his futon. _What a day._

He told himself he’d look at the stolen papers tomorrow as he drifted off, his last thoughts being of Miles and patrolling the city. 

When he woke it was still dark. His clock read 1:00 a.m. groaning he sat up and made himself a cup of coffee while stripping out of his civvies so he was left in only his spider suit, no rest for Spider-Man and all that.


	4. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade finds out more about Peter while Peter laments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I don't know anthing about this universe I'm just gonna bullshit my way through it, also thank you for all the nice comments and kudos and happy 2019!

So... Peter Parker everyone. Wade had pulled about every single string he had so he could find out more on this mess of a man. So far he felt kinda like shit for it. Poor guy had misfortune slapping him in the face seemingly like every day like it commonplace for no good reason! Did his ass make God helly-jelly or something?

**[What.]**

_{It’s for hella jealous.}_

**[I hate your word choices.]**

"Shut up I’m monologuing." 

Now Wade could have passed it off as nothing, no big deal, the dude was _fine_. Wade had no need to feel guilty or wanna help him, but the evidence just kept stacking up! The poor guy had lost his parents as a kid, then he lost his uncle!? And soon after his best friend- who Wade couldn’t believe was Harry Osborn- snapped and became Green Goblin after his evil dad who was Goblin before—and Peter must have had to be around—died?? Like what kinda twisted fate was that? Had Peter been an evil warlord in his past life that put peoples prized possessions up goats’ asses or something??

( **[I’m serious, stop.]** )

Though Wade thought he could still stop himself from caring about Peter, worst things had happened to people, he didn’t need to care...

_{But wait! There’s more!}_

_Exactly!_ Ends up he’d been mercilessly bullied his whole life was well- as stolen therapy files would protest too, and his best friend by the name of Gwen Stacy was died as well. Then several years of poverty and extreme misfortune seemed to befall the poor man, heck the files Wade got back even said his back got broken because he slipped on some ice! When does that happen? Ice was supposed to be _fun_ Canadians everywhere would be so disappointed. Including Wade. In fact, Peter’s hospitable record was chalk full, and most of it was real fucking (that’s right, he was Deadpool, he got to say the F-word) serious stuff too! Like one time he didn’t have any money for a mugger, so they almost beat him to death. At least that’s what the papers said. No wonder he looked so homeless, he was the living reincarnation of Murphy’s law. 

Anyway, his mentor/maybe friend and part time boss loses it and becomes Doctor Octopus. Then to top it all off his last remaining family, a woman called aunt May, dies and he and his wife got divorced!? (Wade did mentally note that Peter was single then…) and now the man was living in the crummiest, cheapest, and smallest apartment complex ever? It was almost like whatever evil creature ran this world just yanked out all the misfortunes it could find and cast them upon this Peter Parker like a wizarding spell. Curse? Whatever.

Next time they had dinner together Wade resolved to make sure to pay for all of it.

 **[Why are you interested in a walking disaster?]**

_{Maybe because you're so much worse?}_

“Thanks for the love and confidence guys.” He grumbled and leaned back. His next problem would be managing to “accidently” run into Peter again, because he may be a heartless mercenary undeserving of anything but he damned well sure wasn’t gonna miss an opportunity to tap that. Though be that as it may, he had a job to do.

Humming the neon cat theme he suited up and checked the musty and ever so slightly damp letter he got from whoever had wanted his services. Also, who uses letters anymore? Maybe he should kill the guy after the target. Speaking of which he wondered if he might also run into Spider-Man? New York’s favorite webslinger had come back into the glaring bright lights of the city as of late, and it would be awesome to run into and annoy the shit out of him. _It’s annoying out of love though!_ Deadpool was still bored after all… not like they’d ever likely meet again after all, unless Wade wanted that of course, so he could probably get away with as much as he wanted short of unaliving too man baddies in front of the Spider. Didn’t want him becoming determined to send him off to jail after all. Speaking of which, the merc wondered what the arachnid was up too, it was like one in the morning after all, prime crime fighting hour!

_{Is this a transition I'm sensing?}_

***********

Maybe it was the fighting that kept it alive. Maybe he was just delusional. Probably the latter. It was just sometimes during a fight it almost… _almost_ felt like their relationship outside of hero and villain still existed, though his common sense knew he was just grasping at straws. 

Yet, there was something… something that lit a spark, reminded both of them, and brought them both back back in time, like they were still just kids playing pretend. 

Yep. He was delusional.

The Harry he knew was gone… he had to remember that. All that remained of his old friend was Goblin, but he so desperately wished, dreamed, yearned, that his old best friend would return to himself. Or that this was all just some elaborate ruse for a prank that had been going on for too long. But just like many other things, he knew those hopes were bullshit.

“Come on Gobby! Shouldn’t you be settled with a family by now?” He shouted at the other while dodging a mini-missile launched at him, throwing the same projectile back in Goblins face with some quick web moves. Goblin did nothing besides snarl and dodge.

“This isn’t us playing forts anymore! I’m sick of your quips Parker.”

There it was. That spark, that acknowledgment of their past that kept Peter going, hoping. Kept him about as out of his mind as Harry was.

“And you’re not some rebellious teen anymore. Come on Har, there still may be some way to fix you if you just let me help-” the nickname fell from lips automatically, even though the last time he’d used it he hadn’t had any facial hair. Not that his was all too impressive now, but still.

“Shut up! He’s dead, I am the Green Goblin and I’m going to destroy this city!”

Peter groaned. “Ooooh destroy the city, that’s not generic at all.” _Why did every villain ever to exist always say that?_

Goblin snarled and another missile ejected itself from his hover board, heading straight for Peters face. He moved away quickly, managing to get out of it range, but not the range of the resulting explosion that sent him flying. His world was a spinning mass with hazy green and black dots covering his vision before he found himself sprawled on his back.

Goblin, Peter discovered, was sneering right in his face, and all Peter could notice is how monstrous and _different_ he looked from his old best friend, who had once had windswept hair, piercing eyes… intelligent smile, who spent hours running and laughing with him and Marry Jane, and Gwen… fuck he really didn’t wanna think about Gwen, especially after meeting another version of her that was fine, he restrained himself though, unlike how he had with MJ… ugh, the cringe. When had everything gone wrong? Why was he still so hung up over it?

With all the thoughts whizzing through Peters head he was distracted enough he didn’t even notice the other declare it was the end of the line for him, raising a clawed hand, about to close on his face, it was the end— a heavy looking boot hit Goblin square in the face and sent him flying away from Peter, who’s eyes quickly looked up the length of the boots to their occupant- Deadpool! What was that crazy mercenary doing here? Why had he saved Peter? Was Harry this target? He couldn’t let him kill The Goblin! Damn why hadn’t he known the merc was here earlier? Who knows how many may have died!

Thoughts shoved through Peters mind at lighting speed, for like the fiftieth time, making his head spin.

“Hey Spidey- no I’m not going to ask about- his webs don’t- please stop. Uh- am I late to the party? Dammit you two you ruined my cool entrance statement!” The mercenary swore.

Peter stared, unable to muster any words. Luckily he didn’t need to because Goblin got back up and launched himself at Deadpool, hissing at the red and black clad other through clenched teeth.

“Ooh someone’s grumpy, did daddy forget to tuck you in? Wait what are you, like almost forty, so I guess I should ask if your dominatrix forget to read you your bedtime criminal record?” Deadpool babbled as he flipped away from Goblins blood thirsty claws.

“So uh Spidey, wanna team tag this?”

What other choice did Peter have? Everything Goblin said he twisted and analyzed and over thought. Every move Goblin made kept his distracted and distraught. He could never land a knock out hit, never be good enough, never save his best friend. _Oh wow, that blast hit me harder then I thought._

“Not like I can say no.” Was all he managed to spit out before Harry as back at them, claws at the ready.

 

*************

Lately school had been going well, it was whatever you know? He was a smart kid, and in all the aftermath of that whole dimensional disaster he’d felt like he finally got his ~~shit~~ stuff together and made a few friends (that actually went to his school) like his roommate! Who was super chill. Even if Miles couldn’t keep track of all this _’fandom’_ stuff he kept talking about.

Plus said roommate was like the only one who knew Miles's secret identity, so he had someone to talk to and work with him with all his new superhero biz. The guy knew his way around a laptop, and Though Miles was savvy in computer lingo, it was nice to have someone who could hack into drones and stop them from crashing into Miles while we was mid swing- been there don’t that, not fun.

Things with his dad had been going a lot smoother than they had in the past as well. Since uncle Aaron’s death and Kingpins defeat, they'd formed a sort of… bond? Maybe? Though of course Miles was the only one truly aware of it.

Well either way they got along _much_ better. Of course, that didn’t stop Miles from wishing he had some other father or mentor figure. Just someone to… help him out, be by his side during all this spider craziness. _You gotta go home man._ He still remembered his words to that other dimensional teacher. Other dimensional Peter. Sure, the dude was a wreck, most likely homeless despite his argument otherwise, and a _very_ messy eater. But he somehow managed to make a big impact on Miles, made a connection between them. Spider to spider you know? Peter B. Parker had been what he never got with his actual father, who was well shaven, neat, and had his life together but... but he felt unreachable. 

Miles- well he loved his dad, but there was always a distance, and he had yet to figure out how to cross it. Peter had been a good… good something, to help him start to cross that distance. Nevertheless, Miles still had a long way to go and desperately wished for another boost. Maybe he just missed the Hobo-Spider? Ha Hobo-Spider. He’d have to remember that one. 

…Now that he thought about it the man had been willing to die _for him_ he had said he was proud of Miles- not a thing he heard too often, expect from his mom but those times it felt hollow, and he didn’t want to think about uncle Aaron. It made his chest hurt and his head pound with the many confused emotions, but even his uncle’s blood covered words of pride was as brittle and empty as the hollow leaves in the approaching winter. 

It was like he didn’t deserve it yet, like his mom… his uncle… they were lying through their teeth because of their love for him. Love blinded after all, most had a soft spot for their family, he was no exception. 

Peter however? He didn’t know a thing about Miles, he didn’t have any predisposition to Miles- when he had been proud it was real and true, filled Miles’s head with happy soda bubbles, popping and fizzling, leaving him excited and restless, similar to when a crush compliments you, he rarely got that anymore, even if he had totally mastered the shoulder touch.

Sighing he figured he was giving this too much thought. That wouldn’t do him any good, so instead he slipped his headphones on, and started to hum.

“Needless to say, mm hmm nn mm, she was all bad bad mm hm mm, callin’ it quits now, baby I’m a wreck, dum hmm mm hm baby you’re a wreck…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have ideas, recommendations, or things they wanna see for this story please share them, I only have a vague clue what I'm doing :') also if anyone has questions for me feel free to ask! You can message me on quips-and-thwips on Tumblr


	5. Pigeons are Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade has suppressed issues with goblin and Peter feels like he needs a good cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a late update! School started up again and I've just been wanting to sleep 24/7 but all y'alls lovely comments and kudos fueled me through writing this, sorry if it kinda sucks :/

Deadpool had not expected himself to go help Spidey when he saw the arachnid hero being pinned down by Off-Brand-Jolly-Rancher a few rooftops down. Spider-Man seemed to be completely frozen. Probably stunned by the same blast that had attracted Wade and ignited his curiosity.

**[Only our curiosity. We shouldn’t care about him. He’s like constantly trying to arrest us after all.]**

“Did that really need to be stated-“ _{Spidey-Man pinned down? That’s **hot.** }_ “Okay you’re right, it did.”

Internally rolling his eyes (because externally doing it was way too much work) Wade glanced back at the scene to distract himself from Yellow and Whites slowly building argument. Damn Spider-Man was _still_ paralyzed. But he would get out of it. He’d be fine. There was no need to care. 

Nevertheless, Wade had to admit he really wouldn’t want New York’s local hero being unalived… and perhaps he did admire the man, and his ass, just a little. After all the other had been saving the city and getting beaten up for like twenty years, that took dedication. It’s just ‘Pool didn’t really have any time to connect to the other. They were always on opposing sides, but he did suppose the spider had some appeal…

 _{What are you saying!? We have our grubby not-homeless Peter now! No time for thoughts about random masked superhero’s!}_ **[Says the one who was just saying he was hot. But whatever, let’s just save the webslinger so we don’t have to deal with dumbass DP's stupid guilty conscious if you let him die.]**

Well! Guess that was all the encouragement and love Wade needed to kick Green Goblin- formally Harry Osborn, right in the face. Boy did it feel good. _This used to be Peters best friend._ Whispered a soft unwanted voice, just having to ruin the moment. Great now he didn’t feel half as good. Fuck him for researching Peter, real trash move there.

 **[It must be so hard for the other to see his used-to-be best friend constantly on the news for heinous deeds.]** White taunted, because White was a dick. _Shut up shut up need to focus on the fight, don’t wanna die right now._ Honestly White. What a douche. 

Forsaking his ability to filter and monitor his words he instead mentally mapped all the nearby taco buses to comfort himself later. Unfortunately, he was so caught up in his own thoughts he didn’t bother to try to pay attention to his words as he blabbed some nonsense to Spidey, off handedly noticing how distracted and dazed the other seemed as well. Maybe they had some kinda connection that like let them _both_ be distracted? Nah. Luckily in the end Spidey resolved that they could take Goblin on as a team! But before Wade could even load it Goblin was on them, snarling viciously.

“Could have asked me out for dinner first!” Spidey yelped, kicking the villain away.

 _”I **hate** you Parker.”_ Was all Goblin snapped in response.

Spider-Man once more seemed to freeze, so it was left to Wade to whirl around and punched Greenie square in that ugly nose. Not like he didn’t enjoy the action, but he wanted to subdue the villain before the situation could escalate (any more than it already had).

 **[…I feel like there’s a connection here that we’re missing.]** _{Did they like fight one too many times at a park…?}_ **[I mean it’s quite possible considering all the locations he’s been wrecked at…]**

“Look out!” _Oh yeah the fight._

Quickly Wade dodged a super powered blow aimed for his head and rolled away, yanking out his guns. “No killing!” Spider-Man yelled before he could do a thing, damn that boy scout. Did he sound panicked…? It was probably just because he didn’t like murder and all that bs. “Fine.” He grumbled but didn’t put down the guns, a shot to the arm or leg couldn’t hurt. Especially for the fucker who most likely hurt Peter a shit ton.

**[Why are you so attached to a person who’s most likely a over sensitive homeless man?]**

Luckily (or unluckily as it may be) that wasn’t needed, because as soon as Goblin went charging back at them, seeming to have abandoned his hover board, he tripped over a tree branch. Wade almost chocked. Where did a tree branch even come from? New York didn’t have nature on rooftops! This wasn’t fucking Oregon, and a super villain tripping on a tree branch? What was this? A 60s cartoon? Anyway, Spidey took advantage of the situation and webbed the villain up. Allowing Deadpool the satisfaction of punching him in the face again. With a muffled thump he fell to the ground, Wade snagging his hand on a particularly pointy part of his outfit and ending up falling with him to land another solid hit— _for Peter_ and another, and perhaps one more…

“Deadpool! Stop!” Normally he wouldn’t have spared a glance for the webslinger, but there was something in his voice. That deep-seated panic he’d dismissed earlier, why did the webhead care? Goblin had caused him much more harm than good.

Softer this time, “Deadpool, stop,” When had the other started to sound so old? So tired, worn, almost broken. That tone of voice wasn’t meant for a person like Spider-Man, it set his blood to ice. “Let’s just take him to the police, hopefully they’ll manage to get him some meds and keep him locked away this time.” Spider-Man continued, and Wade had to resist the urge to scoff. As if Green Goblin would ever be saved, it had been like fifteen years and he hadn’t changed a bit.

“Kay whatever Spidey, I’ll see you later.” he ran before the other could respond. He still had a contract after all.

********

Peter was having a bad day. Fighting Harry had left him a mess, and at least five different people upon seeing his bruised figure had tried to give him their spare change.

Which is how, once more, he had ended up on a rooftop eating nasty burgers and crying whilst surrounded by pigeons. “I just don’t know what I did wrong! Why do everything I do fuck up? Is that even a functioning sentence?”

A pigeon tried to steal a part of his burger and he didn’t fight it, he deserved it after all. Though once it had gotten one peck of the burger it let out a betrayed coo and hopped away so its brethren could try it and suffer just as it had. _Birds sure seem like bunch of real cruel sadists._ he thought off handedly. _Just like life. ___

__Sighing softly he looked away from the mess of judgmental birds and instead checked his phone to find two messages from MJ. It made him feel sick, stomach turning and threatening to veto his next bite of burger that he took anyway. _He was seriously going to be sick._ _ _

__A strong feeling of dreed permeating his thoughts he clicked on her icon. He so desperately wanted to just pretend they didn’t even exist, but then he just imagined Miles’s disappointed face and… couldn’t. He still didn’t care about that kid though, of course. He just didn't want the kid guilting him next time they met._ _

__**MJ 6:57**__

_****_

_****_

**Mj: Hey peter, do you ever wanna continue that talk?**

**Mj: Figured id ask Since you ran away last time and all…**

_He had so not! He had just… preemptively did a tactical retreat. His fingers hovered over his keyboard to respond, yet he found himself unable to form any words. He ended up staring blankly at the screen long enough for several more pigeons to fall victim to his rancid trash burger. _Really why did he keep spending his money on them?_ Finally he typed up his response._

__

__

**Peter 12:27**

**Peter: sorry ive been busy, work and all that, gtg ttyl**

_Coward._ Sighing once more he tucked his phone back into his pockets, turning back to the pigeons. “She’s just so perfect, why can’t I just get over myself and go back to her? I want kids now after all.” Another image of Miles popped into his head “Or at least I want one is particular… ugh what the fuck is going on with me!?”

A pigeon angrily pecked his hand in response. “Ow! You little shit!” He yelped in a squeaky offended voice, clutching his hand defensively against his chest. Apparently everything was an enemy. Even fucking pigeons. Their cute fluff was deceiving! Hiding a fry hungry monster.

The pecky pigeon coo'd defiantly. Peter got up. This was a fight he couldn’t win, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t go down without a fight.

“Fine, you want to go? Let’s go.” He was so going insane, first talking too now picking fights with pigeons? What was wrong with him?

“Hey!” A distant but familiar(?) voice spoke, notes of alarm and dismay in their voice that immediately stopped Peter from attempting to kick the evil puff of feathers and hate.

“Don’t fucking do it.” Don’t do what? Fight the pigeon? 

Peter started blankly before realizing oh. _Oh._

It dawned on him how bad this probably looked, a beaten up man with red tear rimmed eyes standing of the edge of a building, phone clutched in their hand. Not the best way to meet someone. Or run back into them? He still couldn’t tell who the figure was from his current distance. 

The person ran closer, what were they even doing on the roof? Their build was big, kind of bulky, hood hiding their face. Wait? Was it that dude he flipped into a shelf? It totally was! What had been his name? Wanda? Wilbert? Walnut? He felt like he was getting colder…

“Don’t do it. Don’t jump.” Oh yeah that. Oh shit that.

Wintston...? No no Wade! His name was Wade. Wade who was now in front of him, panting and muttering that he really needed to work out more. Damn he had gotten to Peter in a _very_ short amount of time. Nodding Peter stepped down from the ledge, hands raised placatingly as he approach the hooded man. His voice slightly softer. “Don’t worry, wasn’t planning on jumping.”

“Really? Because you standing on the ledge screamed other wor- wait Peter is that you? Damn you look like you sent through hell. Why are you so beat up? I'll beat them up. Couldn’t tell who you were through the panic and all- hey am I blabbering I probably am, but you can’t die you got tacos and a good ass and-” Peter snorted softly, “hey don’t worry, I was just…” He trailed off, cheeks tinged with red. “…trying to fight a pigeon.”

“Oh.”

God this is how he would actually die, R.I.P. here lies Peter he lived a terrible life and died of embarrassment.

“Well then…” Wade started, “That’s kinda embarrassing of me, but don’t worry I’ve done much worse."

Peter let out a short laugh, both at Wades words and just what a wild ride his life was. Just this morning (well _technically_ morning) he had been fighting his ex-bestfriend and teaming up with Deadpool of all batshit insane evil people he could have worked with. Then he got the horrifying experience of watching two lizards do it in the window of a pet store, drew plans for how to get back to Miles’s universe on an old sock he now had in his pocket, saw a man on the subway in full goth clothing with at least five brightly colored parakeets, and now this.

Wade appearing encouraged by the laugh continued, “so… how have you been? Wanna get tacos again? If that’s not too weird to ask…”

Sure, life had been absolute hell, but he guessed... It wasn't too bad. He had a friend in Miles. He had Wade, a stranger who he'd harmed, for some reason care about his well being. He had a full twenty bucks in his pocket. Giving Wade a smile that was only a tad bit broken he nodded. "Sure, sounds great."

He could see the flash of white teeth most likely forming a smile from under Wades hood, making his cheeks flush. Because who smiled at a wreck like this? No one. Not even MJ. She just got that disappointed poker face and mentioned how well he had done in high school, but for some reason Wade did…

“Well then what are we waiting for? Lets go!”

Laughing softly once more Peter nodded, “okay, okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a Tumblr called quips-and-thwips if you ever have questions or suggestions, but anyway until next time :)


End file.
